I stood there in disbelief really… as we looked together. And in my hand I held the gateway to a dream come true. An answer to years of prayer.
Weeks made way to months and we watched him grow. And we shared joy in the moments. Heart beats and baby kicks. Morning sickness and sleepless nights.
And doctors guided and they monitored and they watched this child within. And I basked in the glow of new life.
We painted and we prepared. And friends threw showers and some traveled far. To celebrate. LIFE.
And this babe…. tucked within… his growth slowed and movement stalled and they grew concerned and they tested further and watched more closely… until they could watch no more.
And no class could prepare for a heart set on normal. No textbook can explain… the fear and helplessness…. of a mother… with a child born too soon.
And guilt builds inside. And you watch as they poke and prod. And you cry for what could have been…. hang tight to what will be.
And for thirty two days you watch. Stand bedside. Pray over your child. And you make friends and life changes and there are new normals. And HE leads. Oh how HE leads.
And we rejoice in homecomings and heart monitors. Baby swings and neighbors who bring food. Sunlight streaming through windows and bathtubs filled with bubbles.
And each milestone is noticed and no stone unturned. And we laugh at being peed on and we cry over first steps and in an instant he is off. Running and climbing and sliding. And the world is his.
And the heart yearns. Wonders… can it feel more love? Is there room for another? And the desires grow. And we endure together. More years of treatments….
Meanwhile we watch him grow. Knowing…. he may be an only. And birthdays pass and Easters and Christmas’ and for two years we pray…. God provide… to this desire… for him, our only, to know…. have a sibling. To share this life with another.
And there is heartache and disappoinment. And medications and more doctors and more tests and more quiet reminders from a God who says YES…. in His time.
And this babe grows before us…. and he is beautiful. A blessing…. and we give thanks. To a God who so graciously said “YES”
And as he toddles off for his first day of preschool….. he so softly kisses her. On the forehead…. whispers, “I love you,” to his sister. The sibling we prayed for.
And I held her as I said good-bye that day. And, through tears I watched, as my heart…. walked into that classroom… with my baby boy…
