Hope

Seasons…

September 8, 2011 By Joytimesfive 3 Comments

I cannot help but notice, when I look around me, that we are amidst a season of change. Of literal sorts. Trees are changing color. Some are even dropping their leaves. The sun shines differently in the crisp blue sky and temperatures are dropping. All this in preparation for a winter transformation.

And while many may argue the depressing factors associated with letting go…. of warm days and what seems like endless summer play…. I might, on the other hand, argue the beauty in it all.

More than anything however, I am particularly struck by the deliberate submissive behavior of inanimate objects that surround our daily lives. And, in thinking on such things, I cannot help but wonder where we, the hands and feet of God, fall short.

You see, our Creator has a divine plan for all of His creation. If you live in a climate where seasons are easily defined, you can clearly observe the annual dying off of winter eventually giving way to the new life and new growth of spring. And, in this circle of life we see no opposition. No tendency to run. No option to hide. In fact, all of nature has but one option…. to simply BE. To humble itself at the hands of the master. To face transfiguration in the wake of His grace.

And aren’t we one of the same Creator?

And, doesn’t He beckon us change? Character molded in hearts crafted like Christ. His handiwork daily on display in our words and our actions.

But we run still. Resisting change. Straying from the risk. Finding only temporary comfort in idols of this world. Possessions that zap not only bank accounts but emotional wells that run dry.

And isn’t it at the hands o our own where we meet our fate? Destruction embedded deep in a failure to yield…. the right of way… to the ONE who has the way.

And really, it’s about time. Because change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s the manifestation of days giving way to a transfiguration over time.

And we rush through our days. We praise idols and set them on pedestals. Erecting temples of fame and fortune. All the while ignoring the call of our Creator. His words whispered gently….

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

So today my friends…. won’t you take a few moments…. to worship Him with your time? Allow Him to transform your heart and mold it after His own? Will you just BE?

Can we be like the trees standing tall, accepting of the change…. His will for our lives? Can we live in joyful anticipation of a new growth of spring?

I know one thing for certain…..

I may not know what the future holds

BUT…

I am confident in my relationship with the ONE who holds the future!

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him…. Psalm 37:7

Filed Under: Encouragement, Faith, Grace, Hope, Joy, Life, Praise

Four Years….

August 31, 2011 By Joytimesfive 1 Comment

To many, four years may seem a long time. In the minds of those who see days filled with the mundane and jobs that overwhelm. Hands that pour out time and again. Labor intensive hours that make ends meet. Hearts that beat in rhythm with economies and monies and housing markets and things of this world.

For me, four years seems like just yesterday. The time I lay in that hospital bed, a quiet stillness about. Echoes of my unborn child’s heart, closely monitored on screens next to me. And my own heart aching in a reality of what might have been.

The doctor had come early that morning. Making rounds before his day of clinic began. We talked. About babies and perinatologists and holiday weekends. And he made it so… that I was to be NPO (nothing by mouth) until I had seen her. She was to have the final say. The end all tell all answer lay in her hands.

And so I waited. For what seemed the longest time in my life (when you are pregnant and have no food, even a minute seems like eternity). The nurse told me she was running late. An emergency trumping her schedule.

My room was quiet that day. My husband had returned to work. NO friends had come to visit. And in the quiet moments you can choose to embrace God or you can choose to hide. But, it seemed He was there. And while my mind raced with seemingly scary thoughts, I allowed my heart to beat in rhythm with His. Momentarily giving control to the ONE who gives.

And I remember the sun how the rays came in that day. Striking the floor, giving evidence of His always present presence. And on occasion the nurse would stop by. A casual hello and a peek… at him. My child.

The time came and she wheeled me down the hall. Her office in a small corner at the end. The silence in the room was deafening. Somber enough to qualify for a funeral. Then she uttered three words. And my own heart nearly stopped. “Today is the day.” One look in her eyes and the tears ran down my face. I questioned in a whisper…. “now?” She embraced me. Putting arms around and holding tight. “As soon as possible.”

The nurse hooked me back up to the monitors and I lay there alone. Me and my God. I made a single phone call telling him to come. And I cried out to my God in the silence. Pleaded with him to take my own life. To let this child live. And the sun continued to shine…. now streaming through clouds. Rain on the horizon.

The phone rang. The voice of a friend on the other end. In the area wanting to stop by. I couldn’t say it. Couldn’t utter the words to her. But she knew…. something was wrong.

She sat with me and we talked. A good diversion from the fear. And while her words calmed my anxiety, he walked through the door. And leaning over the bed, he held me. Whispering but one thing…. “it’s going to be ok. Our God will provide.” And for the first time in years I felt our marital issues fade away…. as I saw our God embrace his heart.

The delivery room was somber. Crowded with what seemed thirty people or more. And while I lay there…. strapped down, blocked off from view… they feverishly worked to save the life of my unborn child.

He didn’t come out screaming. He didn’t even cry. And the doctors worked intently… getting on their knees… to provide a way. The smallest ET tube was too big. He cored on the table three times. The room was silent. The doctor was sweating. Every second was critical.

And up from the silence we heard the faintest squeak. His cry.

GAVIN ERIC PHILBEN

was born at 25 weeks.

Weighed 1lb 3 oz

12 inches long.

Today, four years later…. we celebrate with him… on his birthday. And we celebrate the everlasting promise of a God that will BE!

Happy Birthday GAVIN!

Filed Under: Faith, Family, Grace, Hope, Life, Parenting, Praise

His Grace… Our Story: A Journal of Faith

August 27, 2011 By Joytimesfive Leave a Comment

The weekend had been iffy. Everyone was on edge. Nerves were shot. Five weeks of bed rest…. taking its’ toll on everyone.

And it seemed that in my head I recognized his lack of movement. This child within. But my heart reasoned it away. We knew he was small. His growth delayed. But, recent tests had shown no other problems. And in my naivety, my fears…. this worked for me.

I woke up Monday morning and the fighting began. With my husband, with myself. He had been less than supportive of the doctor’s orders and it seemed that his career came first. Above me, above our children and…. above our unborn child. It was as though he believed my fears to be simply an act of seeking his attention.

As he walked out the door I once again expressed my concern. Convinced now of a real problem. A problem made concrete in my head by the audible sounds of rapid decelerations of my unborn child’s heart….

And I asked myself once again….

“Why did I insist on a home Doppler monitor for this pregnancy?”

While he drove to work, without a care in the world, I laid back on the bed….. and cried.

It was early and I didn’t want to call before the office opened. Surely this wasn’t cause to alarm the on call physician. So instead, I lay still…. wrestling with the fears in my head, consuming every ounce of my being.

Somehow I managed enough emotional energy to see Ian off to school. And, I gave thanks that someone cared about my state of being. Daily for two weeks my dad had shown up faithfully. Walking my son to school and ushering him home again each afternoon. And while he walked with the oldest, my mom took the baby. My four year old princess. She loved her weeks of girl time with grandma.

I watched as the minutes ticked away on the clock. Reluctantly, I picked up the phone. I knew the routine… having been there some eight years before. What should have given me comfort in knowing, only made my heart beat that much more. Anxiety circling out of control.

It was four years ago today that I made that phone call. And, it seems as though it was just yesterday. Memories flooding back like waves washed up on the shore.

And, though they are vivid and our lives are forever changed, I realize now that this is where our journey began. The story of grace that grabbed hold of our lives, transforming us at our core. Moving us deeper into relationship with our God. All we could do was press in… and pray.

They answered in their usual friendly fashion. And quickly you could hear concern… as I explained the events of the past 24 hours. It didn’t matter who had an appointment or at what time. It seemed as though the normal routine had now been pre-empted by my situation. And within moments I found myself behind the wheel of my car. Driving. By myself. And though I felt alone… I had a peace.

The past few years had been difficult. Troubling times for my marriage… which was anything but glamorous. As a matter of fact, if asked, I may have told you we already had one foot each into divorce court. I had fallen away from my faith. And although I didn’t physically find myself in the pew on Sunday, you can rest assured that I carried Him in my heart with me daily. And it seemed, that this day was no different.

In a desperate attempt to calm myself, I switched the radio over to CD. Hoping above all hope that something existed to provide a peace to my failing feeble attempts. To my surprise…. I found my own CD. And while I drove, it repeated time and again…. this song, with a single lyric…. that carried me.

Ever walk with me Lord….

And the words rang in my head while the beat of the drum of fear… marched on.

I opened the office door anticipating a wait of sorts. I was instead ushered quickly into a room. And soon, I found myself on the other side of an ultrasound machine. I could tell by the atmosphere, the look on their faces spoke volumes… My doctor was out of town. On his way home from a family vacation in Arkansas. Distance didn’t stop them from finding him. From calling him to consult.

They gave me my hall pass. My golden ticket to see my perinatologist right next door. It wasn’t a winning ticket per se. Unless, you consider level 4 ultrasounds and amniocentesis tests winning prizes. She in turn gave me my walking papers…. or riding papers as the case was, (because she wouldn’t let me walk) for full admission for the remainder of my pregnancy… on strict bed rest, in a hospital bed.

I quickly recalled my fears from eight years ago and realized they were no where near the magnitude of these fears I was having now.

I was only 25 weeks pregnant.

I wasn’t ready.

We weren’t ready.

This baby wasn’t ready.

They hooked me up quickly to monitors and soon recognized the further need for continual monitoring. His heart rate continued to decelerate and the rebound was flat. Non reactive as they say in medical terms.

And they cut off an any access I may have had to food. I only wished I had thought to eat breakfast before I left home. Food = Love for me and suddenly I had the opinion that I wasn’t feeling the love.

Within an hour of my admission my husband joined me. Having left work early, I think the doctor’s grim outlook, expressed in words, scared him. In hindsight… I realize now, that these moments after he arrived were what would be a pivotal turning point in our failing relationship.

Several hours passed and my conditions stabilized. They moved me to the largest room on the floor. In preparation for an extended stay. I was allowed to eat and they ordered me a special mattress for “extended” comfort.

It seemed as though… this was now my home. And as the lights dimmed for the night… I looked at my husband from my bed across the room… and I cried. Because, I was afraid. And, because I knew my God was at work in his heart. And with that, we whispered good night.

****Please join me over the coming days as I share with you the telling account of the days leading up to the birth of our youngest son. I will be sharing each day details of our story….. as we count down the days to his 4th birthday****

Filed Under: Faith, Family, Grace, Hope, Life, Parenting

Sunday’s Are For….

August 21, 2011 By Joytimesfive Leave a Comment

Bowing heads low.

Bending the knee.

Awakening to the splendor….

of worshiping the SON!

… For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning: Great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion: therefore I will wait for him.” Lamentations 23:22-24

Filed Under: Faith, Hope, Joy, Praise, Weekends

Somewhere…. Under the Rainbow!

August 15, 2011 By Joytimesfive 1 Comment

She’s my artist. I always knew she was inspired that way. Carrying markers and a sketch book with her every step of the way. And, it should come as no surprise then, that she would pull them out… when there are a few minutes to spare, between services, on a Sunday morning. And at a small table in the lobby she laid them all there, her workspace complete with every color in the rainbow. Except for green. But, it seemed no issue.

I watched as she drew her heart on this canvas. A simple piece of white paper. Pure. Ready to receive… the touch of an artist’s hand. And as she continued to sketch beauty, I was further drawn into it… so unlike her usual drawings of princesses with crowns and all things girl. This was different. Today, she drew her colors in landscapes. And, she beckoned for help with her art. Looking up at him with her innocent smile, she begged her daddy’s help. Placing one simple marker in his hand. YELLOW. Informing him emphatically of his role.

“Every story has to have a sun daddy and every picture needs to have one too! Here…. that’s your job. YOU draw the sun!”

I smiled as I observed them. The two, working together as one.

And I wondered if this is how she was sharing with me, with us…. the details of her morning. Time spent with others and time spent with God. And while he continued to perfect the sun, she set down her color and pulled out her Bible. Which, was also tucked neatly inside her bag. Something had made her think to look it up. To read it to me and share. The basis for her picture…. the landscape really… of our lives. Her words almost seemed a whisper as she read aloud. Eyes wide with wonder as the pieces come together. Reality shaping in an eight year old mind. And you could tell…. how it all made sense for her.

I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever, I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth. Genesis 9:13-16

And as she smiled at me from across the table… giggling a bit, I nodded my head. “The rainbow mom… in your car… it’s THIS!” And she had a confidence in knowing….

The PROMISE!

The COVENANT!

Of a God and His people.

And while my heart beat wildly within, she simply picked up her marker and carried on. Finishing the masterpiece that she had begun.

But I couldn’t just stop, couldn’t just go back… to where I was, without first considering the truth in all she had shown me. The beauty in all she had told me.

I glanced back over her page, complete now, with a single sun and a beautiful rainbow. And her words ring in my head. Resonating the presence of a very present God.

…..For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. Romans 11:36

And I wonder still…

Do we see the rainbow?

Even in the rain?

And… are we the picture needing a Son?

And… is my canvas pure, white…. ready to be painted by the hands of the Master Himself?

“For I know the plans I have for you, ” declares the Lord, ” plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future…” Jeremiah 29:11

Today Lord, let my life be the page that you write. The masterpiece that only you can create. Let your color paint the hues of my ways. Open my eyes to see the brightness of Your Son and make me humbly aware of the rainbow… Your covenant promise with me and all the people of this land.

Filed Under: Encouragement, Faith, Hope, Joy, Life

On Growing Up….

August 10, 2011 By Joytimesfive 3 Comments

He jumped out of the car as others pulled behind. And almost with complete uncertainty, he began his trek to the door. Seeking first what the eyes can visually see, scanning for the familiar. Something to cling to. That which gives comfort. That which tells us… “it’s going to be o.k.!”

And I remember the day I brought him home. Bundled and dressed in blue. And how I looked at him. Set him down before the dog. Myself searching for the familiar in all that seemed so…. unfamiliar. And oh how anxiety mounted as he grew and I learned.

YES…

Learned from this child. The very essence of life, in the palm of his hands.

And for years I have raised him up. Showed him the ropes and showed him love. And there has been joy and laughter in our days. And we have cried tears and hearts have been wounded. And we have come to know the dance of parent and child. The rules for life. For happiness. For forgiveness. For grace. For all of our days.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. 1 Corinthians 13:7-8 ESV

And does he know now…. the symphony we created long ago… harmonizes still? A chorus of three parts wildly singing praises?

…. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12

And how my heart felt empty a bit that day? The one when I watched him…. walk off into the distance, the world before him. And how I prayed that day that I raised him up well? How I mourned the childlike innocence gone before I knew it? And how joy rang out… watching this boy… becoming… a young man?

The memories flash before me and I can see it there on the wall. A poster hanging in my own classroom. Reminders for me, the teacher. Basic life principals taught out to young children . Elements I shared with my own.

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.

Play fair.

Don’t hit people.

Put things back where you found them.

Clean up your own mess.

Don’t take things that aren’t yours.

Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Live a balanced life- learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

Take a nap every afternoon.

When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.

Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, be we are all like that.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup- they all die. So do we.

And then remember the Dick and Jane books and the first word you learned- the biggest word of all- LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The golden rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all- the whole world- had cookies and milk at about 3 o’clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

“All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten” by Robert Fulghum

And it seems so basic, yet so profound. The moral of the story rings true… no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together…

I sat in my car, watching from my rear view mirror. And the words whispered from my mouth…. hold hands son, hold hands…. with the SON! Yes, my child… today, Go…. Fly on those wings. And always remember…. His covenant with you…. Yes, in my absence child, think on these things….

… And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Matthew 28:20

Filed Under: Encouragement, Family, Grace, Hope, Joy, Life, Love, Parenting, Prayer

Discovering Joy: A Series of Letters About Living Life to the Full

August 1, 2011 By Joytimesfive Leave a Comment

Oh Max-

I read your letter last week and I smiled a bit and giggled some too when I saw them written before me. The scriptures about a time for this and a time for that… they serve a purpose Max. They give perspective to our days both young and old.

And in thinking this past week about my own life, I found myself looking back on these words with a clarity that seemed out of focus before. And my ability to reason this, “time for everything,” process for my own days has been sharpened. It’s as though I am seeing through a brand new pair of glasses Max. HIS glasses.

I’m writing over at Max’s place today. Finishing up these words on life. Rounding out the places and giving meaning to it all. Won’t you join me there…. It’s easy, just click here

Filed Under: Discovering Joy, Faith, Family, Hope, Life, Love

A Weekend of Rest….

July 30, 2011 By Joytimesfive Leave a Comment

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

This weekend my friends, find yourself resting in Him. Set down your cares. Release your worries. Find peace…. in His arms!

Wishing each of you blessings more abundant than the mind can imagine…..

Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. Psalm 40:5

Filed Under: Faith, Grace, Hope, Joy, Life, Weekends

Our Dreams… His Plan!

July 27, 2011 By Joytimesfive Leave a Comment

He sat there… all proud in the chair with his summer like boyish grin. And he passed the first one with ease. And with an heir of accomplishment tucked well into the deeps of his pocket… he pressed on attempting to answer each of her seemingly childish questions with relevant ease.

But, then there was the one. When she held the book up to him and inquired with a smile, “What do you see here?” and while he tried to fake it… he waved the flag of surrender as each passing page was turned… each rendering the same result. Defeat. “I can’t see anything, ” he murmured under his breath, now seemingly cut off… shear anxiety welled up within. A product of circumstance.

And I looked at him from the side. A mother wanting to move in… protect her young. A single tear welled up in his eye. I knew what he was thinking. I know him well. Can read him like a book.

And as she walked him down the hall… ushering him into the exam room, my heart ached for him.

His only childhood dream.

Shattered.

And as brave as the Little Engine that Could… he climbed up into that chair… and I could tell. He was broken. A thousand unspoken questions racing through his head. Trying to make sense. Fear overtaking courage to carry on.

The doctor came in and her delivery was gentle. But, the outcome was the same. And in a whisper she shared with him… “so if you were ever considering a career as a pilot or firefighter, those probably are not good jobs for you… so start thinking now about what else you might like to be.”

And at the age of twelve careers are just dreams. And her words signaled devastation. Defeat.

Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Psalm 37:3-4

And how do we make sense of it… put the puzzle pieces together, when our dreams fall short of His plan? How do we accept the reality of being a finite people unconditionally loved… by an infinite God?

And, aren’t our days numbered… each one mapped out, in great detail… by His plan?

And is it in our dreams or in His plan where we find authentic joy? Joy that fills and consumes… Joy unspeakable, pouring into the soul and quenching the thirst. The desire to live full.

And when we lay down those dreams and kneel before the cross of glory in humble adoration… He weaves all things together. Makes all things new. He takes those dreams and He far exceeds them with His plan for us. He alone gives the definition to our days. Shaping and molding a character in the image of His son.

Yes, when we trust His plan… we experience the reality of ONE. Being whole in Christ.

And so, my son probably won’t be a pilot… but I am confident that our God has a much bigger plan in store for him. All you must do my child… is trust in Him.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Filed Under: Encouragement, Faith, Hope, Joy, Life

Discovering Joy: A Series of Letters About Living Life to the Full

July 25, 2011 By Joytimesfive Leave a Comment

In Ecclesiastes 3, the author gives us eight verses that appear to be at first balanced in their meaning:

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain.

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away.

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Then in verse 10 it says: “I have seen the burden GOD has laid on men.” Yes, Juanita this hard life is a burden in the hearts of men… a time for everything and a time for everyone… except our GOD! We find momentary satisfaction in this fast paced world with our cars, homes, IPads and IPhones and we toil endlessly to get them, all the while seeking and yearning for momentary wealth, and for satisfaction in our souls. We live in a unidirectional world, always selfishly moving in one dead-end direction, but we fail to operate in a bidirectional world… one where our GOD in HIS infinite wisdom stands Sovereign in our heavens, on earth, and yes, at the end of our lives.

Why do we strive and strive for meaningless “things” and we find emptiness within? In Ecclesiastes the author says in verse 4:6 “Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind.” I say, better to hold tightly to my LORD, than to grasp the meaningless things offered by this world!

So then, how do we live out our days? A GOD fearing person will put his priorities in order… he or she will revere GOD above all else. We need to live a balanced life and avoid all extremes! Our thirst for GOD will drive the wisdom gained from HIM only deeper. GOD’S wisdom will be driven deep within our souls so that we may live out HIS commands on a daily basis. The more we search for wisdom, the more we want of HIM, the more we seek, the more we feel satisfaction and balance in our lives!

Our world is so out of balance right now, it is all moving at a fast pace to a dead end… our liberalism and our political correctness has done this! Many are working towards taking any reference to GOD out of schools, our money, our laws, and our country’s foundation. Our country was founded on HIM! All of these actions have left people empty and dead inside… and yet no one seems to see that GOD alone is the ONLY ANSWER!

When we seek HIM with all our souls, heart and mind we find an ultimate satisfaction this world knows nothing about. I find myself now not being able to go one day without the word of GOD and seeking HIM with my whole heart. HE alone makes me feel anchored and balanced!

So my question to you J is this: why do we not realize the Supreme value of wisdom in our GOD when we are young? Why must we live most of our life before we realize the incomparable SPLENDOR of HIM?